Hi there my lovelies,
I trust that you are all well – or as well as can be. I was thinking over the last few days about how much my life has changed because of Fibromyalgia. I always expected to be working full-time, while trying to schedule my holiday time with my husband. It’s not that I dreamed of working as an office administrator, but I just always thought I would be working.
As a kid, I never really got sick a lot. I mean, when I DID get sick it was usually something dramatic like an infection that had me in hospital for a week with an IV in my arm. Other than the occasional cold or chicken pox as a kid, I was pretty healthy.
I think that sometimes the universe has a very twisted sense of humour. I spent the majority of my life struggling with an eating disorder (Bulimia) and low self-esteem. I would starve myself or make myself sick and exercise like mad and I was usually only left feeling sick and tired. When I injured my back I had to stop going to the gym and stop the power walking I was doing. My first thought wasn’t “I hope I can get back to normal” it was “I hope I don’t get fat.” When a few pounds started to creep on because I had to stop my exercise routine, I had a massive panic attack. It got even worse when I was put on Gabapentin because the weight piled on and hung onto me for dear life. (20 pounds to be exact). On top of the Fibromyalgia pain all over, my prolapsed disc in my lower spine is still prolapsed. This means working out in the gym or pool is off limits because I can’t do the movements needed without making things worse.
I have changed my eating habits to healthier ones and I eat lots of fruit and vegetables and also fish and chicken. I was even vegetarian for 8 months and while my cholesterol is probably very happy, I just couldn’t face another Quorn mince lasagna.
I have found it very challenging to eat healthy at times. It’s not because I don’t want to eat healthy, but between my Fibromyalgia, my arthritis, my IBS and my irritable bladder, there are so many foods that I have to avoid. I often feel like there is literally nothing left to eat.
I have to avoid pulses, legumes, insoluble fiber (spinach), spicy and greasy food, mushrooms, cabbage, broccoli and any foods that create gas. I have to avoid soy and tofu and edamame because they cause problems for my Thyroid and that causes issues for my Fibromyalgia. Ginger is supposed to be good for my arthritis but it irritates my bladder and bowel.
It took a back injury – which caused my Fibromyalgia to flare up – to force me to deal with my eating disorder. I was forced to face it head on. Trust me when I say that it has not been easy and it still isn’t easy. I am at a healthier weight now but it is hard because I have significantly reduced mobility.
I know that there are a lot of us who struggle with depression or anxiety because the drugs we are on lead to weight gain. I still struggle. I am finding it easier to face my demons and get on with life. I know that I am not the only one and that nobody really talks about this. I want to share that we are all beautiful. It doesn’t matter what we look like now or what we looked like before Fibromyalgia trampled our lives. We are all beautiful.
I’m working every day to not feel guilty that I can’t go to the gym or pool any longer. Some days it works and other days it doesn’t. I hope that you will all remember that it’s okay if you can’t work out. If you have managed to get out of bed then that is a victory right there. If you are able to shower and get dressed – wow! You are awesome! Unless your GP says that you must lose some weight and then makes a plan with you, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT – you are too busy trying to keep your body from destroying itself. Feel free to say that to anyone else who suggests you should diet.
I love you guys and all the support you give me, let’s fight the good fight.